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Exodus International shuts down.
This story just blew up, following Exodus International's annual convention on Tuesday, and an announcement published on the organization's website.
Exodus International has been at the forefront of conversion therapy since the 1970s. At it's largest, it was affiliated with over 120 ex-gay ministries here in North America and another 150 in other parts of the world. It is now recognized that EI has done irreparable harm to many people around the globe. Perhaps the darkest moment for EI was its role in shaping Ugandan laws against homosexuality, which represent a severe violation of human rights (e.g., death penalty).
Many of the leaders of EI, who claimed to be cured of their same sex sexual preference, went on to be kicked out of the organization for getting back into same-sex relationships. The history of EI is spotty, to say the least. Read about it here.
After almost 40 years, EI has shut down, and their leader, Alan Chambers, has issued a public apology. Here's what he had to say:
Three years ago, Leslie and I began a very public conversation with Our America’s Lisa Ling, from the Oprah Winfrey Network (OWN) regarding some of our deeply held beliefs about Christianity and the LGBT community. Today, we have decided to carry this public conversation even further. While this conversation has and may well continue to be met with many different responses from supporters and critics, it is our desire to keep having these honest discussions in the hopes of arriving to a place of peace.
Several months ago, this conversation led me to call Lisa Ling to take another step on this messy journey. I asked if she would, once again, help us add to the unfolding story by covering my apology to the people who have been hurt by Exodus International. Our ministry has been public and therefore any acknowledgement of wrong must also be public. I haven’t always been the leader of Exodus, but I am now and someone must finally own and acknowledge the hurt of others. I do so anxiously, but willingly.
It is strange to be someone who has both been hurt by the church’s treatment of the LGBT community, and also to be someone who must apologize for being part of the very system of ignorance that perpetuated that hurt. Today it is as if I’ve just woken up to a greater sense of how painful it is to be a sinner in the hands of an angry church.
Read the rest here.
And part of his letter to the LGBT community:
Recently, I have begun thinking again about how to apologize to the people that have been hurt by Exodus International through an experience or by a message. I have heard many firsthand stories from people called ex-gay survivors. Stories of people who went to Exodus affiliated ministries or ministers for help only to experience more trauma. I have heard stories of shame, sexual misconduct, and false hope. In every case that has been brought to my attention, there has been swift action resulting in the removal of these leaders and/or their organizations. But rarely was there an apology or a public acknowledgement by me.
And then there is the trauma that I have caused. There were several years that I conveniently omitted my ongoing same-sex attractions. I was afraid to share them as readily and easily as I do today. They brought me tremendous shame and I hid them in the hopes they would go away. Looking back, it seems so odd that I thought I could do something to make them stop. Today, however, I accept these feelings as parts of my life that will likely always be there. The days of feeling shame over being human in that way are long over, and I feel free simply accepting myself as my wife and family does. As my friends do. As God does.
Read the rest here.
And part of the statement from EI:
“We’re not negating the ways God used Exodus to positively affect thousands of people, but a new generation of Christians is looking for change – and they want to be heard,” Tony Moore, Board member of Exodus. The message came less than a day after Exodus released a statement apologizing (www.exodusinternational.org/apology) to the gay community for years of undue judgment by the organization and the Christian Church as a whole.
“Exodus is an institution in the conservative Christian world, but we’ve ceased to be a living, breathing organism,” said Alan Chambers, President of Exodus. “For quite some time we’ve been imprisoned in a worldview that’s neither honoring toward our fellow human beings, nor biblical.”
Chambers continued: “From a Judeo-Christian perspective, gay, straight or otherwise, we’re all prodigal sons and daughters. Exodus International is the prodigal’s older brother, trying to impose its will on God’s promises, and make judgments on who’s worthy of His Kingdom. God is calling us to be the Father – to welcome everyone, to love unhindered.”
For these reasons, the Board of Directors unanimously voted to close Exodus International and begin a separate ministry. “This is a new season of ministry, to a new generation,” said Chambers. “Our goals are to reduce fear (reducefear.org), and come alongside churches to become safe, welcoming, and mutually transforming communities.”
Read the rest here.
Thursday mail - June 20.
Have any questions or comments related to sex or sexuality? If so, fire away.
Our Porn, Ourselves.
Brought to you by Violet Blue, at Our Porn, Ourselves (an excellent resource for the goods on porn, and the anti-porn movement). [click bolded text to follow links]
About Porn Harms
Everyone has concerns about pornography. Many of us are told that there are very serious and scary problems, and consequences, associated with watching and enjoying porn.
Some of us will look at one pornographic video and see something offensive, and never want to watch porn again. It’s true that everyone has concerns, and there is something out there to offend everyone.
But most women don’t know that their concerns can help them find accurate answers about what they’ve seen, and find explicit visual stimulation that does not compromise their ethics or morals. The viewing choices in porn are many.
If you don’t know anything about modern pornography, are feeling unsure, or are feeling morally at odds with an aspect of sex, pornography can bring up powerful feelings.
Pornography is about something very personal and intimate to the viewer, so it can touch on issues that can be intense. Especially for us women. Unfortunately, our ability to understand our feelings and understanding of pornography is often clouded by misinformation from pundits who suggest that academic research is being cited — where instead it is anecdotal “research” (not peer-reviewed), and from questionably funded sources.
Much like old myths (that people accepted as fact) that masturbation caused blindness and that women did not have the physical capacity to enjoy sex, a few modern myths exist about pornography:
* Porn Makes Men Into Rapists, Makes Men Sexually Aggressive, and Turns Men Into Child Molesters
* Porn Is For The Emotionally Stunted
* Porn Is Desensitizing: Porn Makes You Numb
Be Concerned, Be Smart
The truth is, most porn from mainstream sources isn’t made with quality, thoughtfulness, sexual intelligence, or love. But many smart, educated and tech-savvy people are changing that, and it’s toppling the porn industry dynamics — and its economics. It is the sexual “omnivore’s dilemma.” If our porn concerns us, we must buy it from people who are ethical. And so we are.
It’s up to us to confront our concerns and find out if there’s any truth to them. We need facts to save us from any actual harm — or the myths will become harmful.
We must understand what people are saying when they claim porn harms and encourage real talk about degradation, violence against women, and porn addiction.
Shaming people for having sexual interest and women who watch porn will not help anyone. It’s not that you have desire, it’s what you do with it.
And a PSA to go along with the article:
Ad: Don't Offend.
An German ad that is likely to stir up some controversy, especially here in North America:
Geoge Takei responds to anti-gay-marriage protesters.
George Takei is best known for his performance as Hikaru Sulu, the helmsman of the USS Enterprise on the TV show Star Trek. He's also very active as an advocate of human rights, specifically gay rights and Japanese-American relations. Mr. Takei is also a pretty funny dude. From 9gag (click to make larger):
Gay bomb.
From Box Turtle Bulletin:
Air Force Lab Suggests Development of “Gay Bomb”: 1994. In a scenario that sounds more like a Monty Python skit than an actual proposal for warfare, an Air Force lab suggested the development of some highly unusual non-lethal chemical weapons. According to a memorandum dated June 1, 1994, he Air Force’s Wright Laboratory in Dayton, Ohio, sought the development “Harassing, annoying, and “bad guy” identifying chemicals.
Three classes of chemicals were proposed. The first consisted of “chemicals that attract annoying creatures to the enemy position and make the creatures aggressive or annoying.” Rodents and stinging and biting bugs were suggested as suitable targets. The second class of chemicals would “make lasting but non-lethal markings on the personnel,” making them “easily identifiable (by smell or appearance) weeks later, making it impossible for them to blend with the local population.” If the chemicals had an irritating or annoying factor, so much the better. But it was the third category that was oddest of all:
Category #3: Chemicals that effect [sic] human behavior so that discipline and morals in enemy units is adversely effected [sic]. One distasteful but completely non-lethal example would be strong aphrodisiacs, especially if the chemical also caused homosexual behavior. Another example would be a chemical that made personnel very sensitive to sunlight.
The brief memo conceded that such chemicals did not currently exist and “would need to be created. Manufacturing techniques would need to be developed for chemicals needed in large quantities.” Decontamination measures would also need to be developed. The entire development and testing program for all three categories of chemicals was projected to cost $7.5 million over six years, which was small potatoes for defense programs, even for 1994.
When news of the program broke in 2005, Marine Captain Daniel McSweeney told reporters that the memo was among hundreds of suggestions for non lethal weapons sent to the Pentagon each year, and said, “‘Gay Bomb’ is not our term. It was not taken seriously. It was not considered for further development.”
Facial symmetry site.
Passed along by Natasha (thanks!).
AnaFace is a site that allows up to submit a photo to have it evaluated for symmetry. Given that it's a free online site, and that you can submit pretty much any photo, it's probably not particularly accurate. But fun, nonetheless. Check it out here.
Russia outlaws gay propaganda.
From the Guardian:
Russia passes law banning gay 'propaganda'
Law will make it illegal to equate straight and gay relationships and to distribute gay rights material.
Russia's parliament has unanimously passed a federal law banning gay "propaganda" amid a Kremlin push to enshrine deeply conservative values that critics say has already led to a sharp increase in anti-gay violence.
The law passed 436-0 on Tuesday, with just one deputy abstaining from voting on the bill, which bans the spreading of "propaganda of non-traditional sexual relations" among minors.
The law in effect makes it illegal to equate straight and gay relationships, as well as the distribution of material on gay rights. It introduces fines for individuals and media groups found guilty of breaking the law, as well as special fines for foreigners.
Minutes after passing the anti-gay legislation, the Duma also approved a new law allowing jail sentences of up to three years for "offending religious feelings", an initiative launched in the wake of the trial against the anti-Kremlin punk band Pussy Riot.
The two laws were widely criticised by Russia's marginalised liberal and human rights communities and come amid a wider crackdown against independent civil activity in the country.
"I have sincere contempt for the Duma's deputies. All, including the so-called opposition. You have now brought fascism to my country," wrote Yelena Kostychenko, a journalist at the independent Novaya Gazeta newspaper.
International rights groups have called the current situation in Russia the worst human rights climate in the post-Soviet era.
The two laws vastly boost the power of the Russian Orthodox church, a religious body that professes total allegiance to the state. Putin, who often makes a show of his faith, has increasingly called upon the church to fill his own ideological vacuum following a contested presidential election last year, accompanied by unprecedented protests against him.
Read the rest here.
And from George Stroumboulopoulos at the CBC:
Russian Lawmakers Pass A Bill Making It Illegal To Tell Children Homosexuality Exists
Russia's lower house of parliament has passed a law that imposes fines on anyone who provides information about homosexuality to people under 18.
The bill, approved by the State Duma, will officially become law once it's approved by the upper house and President Vladimir Putin, which is basically a formality, BBC Newsreports.
The bill's co-author, Yelena Mizulina, is head of the Duma's Committee for Family, Women, and Children. She says the idea is to protect Russian children from information that rejects "traditional family values."
"[The bill prohibits] the spreading of information aimed at forming nontraditional sexual attitudes among children," she said. "Secondly, [it prohibits] the imposition of information about nontraditional sexual relations that may cause interest among children."
10-year anniversary for Canada's first married gay couple.
From the CBC:
Canada's 1st Same-Sex Marriage Couple Celebrates 10 Years
Michael Stark and Michael Leshner are celebrating 10 years since they became the first same-sex couple to be legally married in Canada.
That was June 10, 2003, and their union came after the Ontario Court of Appeal upheld a lower court ruling to legally allow such marriages.
The Toronto couple reflects on the significance of that historical day.
Go see the video here.
Thursday mail - June 13.
Have any questions or comments related to sex or sexuality? If so, fire away.
This American Life: The Sanctity of Marriage.
If you've never had a chance to check out the radio show, This American Life, you really should. Each week they address a theme through documentary real-life stories and interviews. It's very popular, and rightly so.
Jasmine sent me the following email:
Not sure if you've heard this before - I actually came across this while listening to some older episodes of This American Life a while ago! It has clips of audio from Gottman's recordings of couples and their interactions, and is pretty entertaining! The rest of the stories in this episode all revolve around marriage/divorce and relationships as well, so I think it's a good listen, so thought I'd pass it along!
Go listen to it here.
Choice?
Composite female faces from 32 different countries.
A growing body of research shows that average faces are rated as most attractive. Someone put together these composites (original source?) of female faces from around the globe. The striking thing is that they're all quite attractive, if not a little boring (click to make larger):
Going without makeup.
Continuing on the theme of makeup...
Many women who normally wear makeup have experimented with going makeup-free - this is nothing new. But in the last few years, several articles, blog posts and even a week-long internet-based event have documented these experiments, with women candidly discussing their experiences going without. The responses have been mixed, with some people being very supportive and others highly critical.
Here's the beginning of an article at Jezebel by Rachel Rabbit White, a popular blogger who conceived the idea of the No Make Up Week back in 2010:
"Yeah, but I don't wear much…" were my first thoughts, when I imagined running this experiment. No Make-up Week: the idea was good, I thought, but my heart raced a little as it sank in.
"But I don't wear much." And I realized I was a little quick to run to the defense of my palettes and powder.
It's not about taking a week off because make-up is somehow bad or because not wearing it is better. It's that by taking a week off, I should be able to understand my relationship to cosmetics more clearly. Why do I feel I need to sketch on eyebrow pencil before going to the grocery? To shellac my face before seeing a friend? And if I am going to a networking event or party, can I feel comfortable in anything less than contoured cheeks and caked on lashes?
When I think about not wearing make-up for a week, a voice inside of me screams, Noooooooooo! And this is exactly what I want to explore. I mean, the thing is this: Make-up is a powerful tool, it has the ability to transform, to incite imagination and creativity. But, when an option turns into a necessity, I don't know if it's still a tool. At the least, it loses its spark.
And then, there are the social reasons that push us to wear make-up. A study online claims that 8 out of 10 women prefer their female colleagues to wear makeup and the same number of women said they would rather employ a woman who wore makeup than one who didn't. Because of these expectations, I think it's hard for any woman to have a good relationship to make-up.
For me, a good relationship with make-up isn't a given, but it is something to work towards. Whether you wear make-up or not, there is a story there. I often feel like I *need* make-up. And when there is not a real feeling of choice, this needs to be explored.
The comment section for the article gets pretty heated, with many women calling Ms. White out for being insensitive to those who aren't naturally beautiful and for not respecting peoples' choices. Check it out here.
All the posts about No Make Up Week from Ms. White and other contributors can be found here.
Another blogger, Kendall Bitonte (who also is a USA Today correspondent - photo of her at the top of the post), documented her 6-week experiment with no makeup. Here's what she had to say over at the Beauty Bean:
Cleanser. Lotion. Foundation. Bronzer. Blush. Eye shadow on brow bone, lid and crease. Eyeliner. Mascara. Chapstick.
And that was just a typical Wednesday morning.
The face that stared back in the mirror at 7:30AM, baggy eyed with blonde lashes and an uneven skin tone, was a blank canvas that beckoned for paint, definition and color before being viewed by the world.
As I washed my face that night and watched the colors swirl down the drain, I realized my relationship with creams, powders and wands had become a bit more complicated than Covergirl’s “Easy, Breezy, Beautiful.” In fact, applying and wearing makeup was my ritual, a source of joy and a duty. I thought the products made me prettier, more desirable, and more respected by society.
Over the past twenty-one years, I had been waging a war against the body that I saw. I hated my body; from my thighs to my nose, my attributes seemed alien and I never saw an image that convinced me otherwise. Out of all other means, makeup was quickest for me to stencil myself into the published images of beauty.
But makeup was temporary and fleeting relief. Regardless of my efforts and no matter how much I grew, matured, exercised or what I wore, I could never change how I looked. Yet, I kept trying, failing and trying again.
But on that Wednesday, I lay in bed so tired of failing. The tears of the twelve year old in struggling in the GAP dressing room welled up behind the eyes of the now-almost adult. I was disgusted with myself for this self-hatred. My internal fight had exhausted me.
Enough is enough.
“I’m giving up makeup!”
I got up from bed and zipped my makeup bag shut-and shut it would stay for the next six weeks.
Before going leaving for class on day one, I took one last look in the mirror and did not recognize myself. Oh boy, don’t you look like a ray of sunshine. I threw on a scarf to put something pretty near my face, fixed my hair and stared back at my bare face-everything looked so wrong.
These six weeks are going to suck.
This revulsion at my fresh face did not subside until around week four. In these weeks, my face braved class, extracurricular activities, bars, dance parties, Spring Break and a graduate school interview all without the armor of cosmetics. I faced each day with a dose of doubt and fluttering nerves that someone would call my bluff and question who I thought I was looking so undone. You’re not pretty enough to do this.
Despite my fear, I doubted that someone would say something about my lack of makeup (the possible awkwardness would hopefully stop any sane person). My doubt rang true as I went six weeks without a single interrogation of “Are you not wearing makeup?” In fact, the closest questioning was far from a negative experience: a guy friend of mine asked at the middle of week four, “Did you do something different with your hair? Something looks different, I can’t figure it out but it’s a good different.” I shook my head and smiled. So someone did notice-he noticed me and I am a ‘good different.’ So, while I cannot say if anyone noticed that I did not wear makeup, I can say with absolutely certainty that no one cared.
With these six weeks now behind me, I wear much less makeup. I hardly ever wear anything besides moisturizer and chapstick to class and when I do “glam up” for the weekend, I think of makeup as means to accentuate my features, not to cover them.
But the rebellion against my own demoralization is far from over. As these past six weeks taught me, the world embraces me more than I embrace myself and wearing less makeup has been one small step towards self-love and towards the end of this fight.
And what would a post on makeup be without a little levity from Jenna Marbles (NSFW language!):
Amy Poehler on makeup.
Many more Ask Amy's here.
Another PSA: Bra fitting.
Thanks for submitting this Morgan!
My bras are size 28G. No, I am not a freak of nature and most people would probably not be able to pick me out of a lineup based on this information alone. Unfortunately, this is because many people (men and women alike) are not informed about what a properly fitting bra should feel and look like and what sizes are in the range of "normal." Many women (some say up to 80%) are not wearing the right size, which can cause so many issues including being uncomfortable (digging in, falling off the shoulders, bouncing too much), shoulder/back pain, "armpit fat," "back fat," and "quadraboob," all of which can be alleviated by wearing the correct size.
The first thing to note is that the letter is not representative of how large your breasts are. It simply is the difference between the size of your rib cage and your breasts. For me, a 46A would be bigger than I am and a 22GG would be smaller. So when you go to figure out your bra size and you say "THERE IS NO WAY I CAN BE A 30H," just remember that it's all relative and no, it does not make you a freak. It makes you well informed. In the diagram below, you can see that all of the rows represent the same volume of breast, otherwise known as the same breast size. But depending on your overall figure and measurements, the actual bra size you need to wear is different. Therefore, a 38B is equal to a 36C which is equal to a 34D which is equal to a 32DD, etc., but the 38B would be worn by someone who has a larger ribcage than someone wearing a 32DD.
(click to make larger)
Some great recommendations for sizing, brands, and fitting can be found on the Thin and Curvy blog: link.
If you would like to get fitted, two places I would recommend are Change who have multiple locations in the lower mainland and if you're willing to travel to Langely, my favourite place is Forever Yours - they have amazing fitters and so many different styles and sizes. It is possible to find a good fitting bra at places like La Senza or Victoria's Secret, but they carry an extremely limited number of sizes that will only fit a minority of people well. Sadly, they also have a reputation of inexperienced or sales driven fitters.
Best of luck in your fitting quest and please comment with any questions you may have!
New PSA campaign: Unexpected?
From Al Jazeera:
What if boys got pregnant? Teen pregnancy campaign shocks and sparks dialogue.
A Chicago teen pregnancy campaign took an 'unexpected' turn when it featured Photoshopped posters of boys baring pregnant bellies. Displayed near local high schools, the campaign stresses the impact of unprotected sex and the importance of shared responsibility. A similar campaign in Milwaukee has been credited for its reduction of teen pregnancy rates.
See some of the feedback here.
And another one of the ads:
Duck genitals and sex.
Facial averaging.
This is super creepy, but interesting nonetheless.
From Lovelyish:
Researchers claim that the perfect face is the most average face. More specifically, it's the ratios, between the eyes, and from the mouth to the eyes that determines attractiveness. Women in photos were perceived to be the most beautiful when the space between the pupils was just under half (46%, to be exact) of the width of her face from ear to ear. Also, when the distance between the woman’s eyes and mouth was just over a third (36%) of the overall length of her face from chin to hairline. Some celebrities who have this ratio include Jessica Alba, Liz Hurley and Shania Twain.
What I found even more interesting was an experiment attempting to create the most beautiful woman in the world using Photoshop. They took 16 of the most beautiful faces, separated them into groups of four, and took the average of each group to create the average of the averages. Here's what it looked like:
Presumably they could do the same thing with other races, or if they wanted the ultimate, they could mix all the races.