Have any questions or comments related to sex or sexuality? If so, fire away.
New research: Women don't like friends who've had more partners.
From Huffington Post (and reported elsewhere).
The researchers expected that compared to men, women (especially those with more sexual partners) would be less likely to negatively judge other women with more sexual partners. They discovered the opposite:
Female Friendship: Women Less Likely To Befriend Promiscuous Peers Regardless Of Their Own Sexual History, Study Finds
In case you needed more proof that your sex life shouldn't be anyone else's business, a new study suggests that the number of people you've slept with can affect whether other women want to be friends with you.
New research out of Cornell University found that women judge their "promiscuous" peers harshly -- to the point where they don't want to be friends with them. The study was published this month in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships.
A research team led by Zhana Vrangalova, a graduate student in the field of human development in the College of Human Ecology at Cornell, surveyed 751 college students about their past sexual experiences and attitudes about sex and relationships. Participants then read a short story about a peer of their own gender, who had either had two or 20 sexual partners in his or her lifetime, and were asked to rate that peer on "friendship factors" including likeability, competence and morality.
Female participants ranked the woman with 20 sexual partners more negatively on nine of the ten friendship attributes, regardless of their own sexual history. This pattern was not seen in male participants.
"What surprised us in this study is how unaccepting promiscuous women were of other promiscuous women when it came to friendships –- these are the very people one would think they could turn to for support," Vrangalova said in a press release.
Anna Breslaw at Jezebel commented that the study makes a case for rethinking how we choose to make friends, given that women denied friendship on the basis of their sex lives can lead to isolation and poor psychological outcomes.
A 2005 study found that both women and men were judged for a high number of sexual partners, but other research has suggested that women are evaluated much more harshly than men. Research from 2009 found that this was especially true in teenagers.
Mad TV: Flashlight.
Probably NSFW:
Strong is the new skinny?
I previously posted about this theme in female attractiveness when MAC Cosmetics came out with their Strength line. The marketing for it features a figure competitor (much like a body builder, but less emphasis on massive muscles), Jelena Abbou. The post led to an interesting discussion about beauty ideals and as most agreed, replacing one (being thin) with another (being muscular - and still thin) isn't really all that helpful (it might also be worth mentioning that Jelena Abbou has had breast enlargement surgery, too). An obsession with a different ideal is still an unhealthy obsession. At least the more muscular physique represents an alternative, though, and as some people have argued, a healthier one because it exudes strength rather than weakness. Read the post here.
A recent blog post by a woman really into Crossfit has drawn a lot of attention for similar reasons. She draws a distinction between skinny and strong, and chronicles her journey from one to the other. Some samples:
This Trendy “Strong is the New Skinny” Thing (and what it could mean for the next generation of girls)
For the record: Teenage girls are so goddamn moody because they are always fucking hungry.I guarantee you that every teenage girl’s angst is amplified ~300% because she is 1) miserable because she’s on a diet and hungry 2) miserable because she’s “on a diet” but just ate a cake and feels really guilty and is considering regurgitating it 3) miserable because she’s given up on dieting and resigned herself to being “fat”. And why do we do this to ourselves?
Because we want to be thin and beautiful.
This desire to be thin and beautiful goes much, much deeper than the desire to be sexually attractive (Dear men: We don’t actually care about you that much). Eventually all girls internalize (whether we realize it or not) certain realizations about how the world works, and our dual status of being both human beings and sexual objects. Girls learn things like employment, leadership opportunities, and social acceptance come easier when you’re good looking. We see in the media that a woman’s viability as a sexual object is often emphasized more than her intellectual accomplishments. In fact,the success of a powerful woman is often accompanied, or even overshadowed, by the attention directed at her appearance.
[...]
The time when I was my skinniest and most photographically beautiful (i.e. I looked magazine-cover-skinny) was also the time when I was at my weakest, in all senses of the word. I was constantly asking the guys downstairs to opens jars for me, and if they weren’t home, well then I was shit out of luck (and pasta sauce). Trying to carry my own suitcases while traveling between Seattle and Montreal was (pathetically) a nightmare. Even carrying pitchers of beer at the bar I was working at was a struggle for my skeletal arms. I was sleeping 12 hours a day and constantly tired. I’m sure that my brain wasn’t functioning all too well either.
[...]
But when I look back at my experiences, decisions, and accomplishments, I still wonder how different would my life have been if I had been encouraged to be strong instead of skinny. Would my grades have been better if I hadn’t been literally starving myself since the age of 13? Could I have gotten into Harvard instead of McGill? Would I have been a better runner if I had been encouraged to fucking eat instead of diet. Would I have had better relationships with my parents, sister, and friends?
[...]
Now when I look in the mirror (this is embarrassing by the way, I can’t believe I’m admitting this online) I flex instead of sucking in. Now when I pinch my stomach, it’s to feel my abs, not to feel shitty about how much “flab” (real or imaginary) is sitting there. I no longer stare at the “calories burned” display on the elliptical, but how many plates I have on each end of the barbell. I can open my own pasta sauce jars now. I am moving soon and do not need the help of any hulking strong lad to transport my furniture. My goal has changed from “be a size zero” to do a motherfucking pull up. I have gained far more self-esteem from being able to pick up heavy shit that I ever have from being able to zip up a skin-tight designer dress. I became a more capable, energetic, independent, and mentally focused person once my focus shifted from what my body looks like to what my body can do.
Go read the rest here.
Sexual response during rape.
TRIGGER WARNING FOR SEXUAL VIOLENCE! Click Continue reading to view the post, including a Reddit Ask Me Anything with a therapist who treats sexual assault survivors who experienced orgasms while being raped.
Many rape survivors start having rape fantasies after being assaulted. It's seems counterintuitive given the psychological trauma that accompanies rape. But it appears that rape fantasies, for some rape survivors, can actually be a part of the healing process. Fantasies allow for total control by the person having the fantasy, so what was once completely out of that person's control (i.e., the actual rape) becomes something that she can control (i.e., in her fantasies). It's about regaining power over a powerless situation. Some rape survivors also report developing a preference for rough sex for similar reasons.
One thing that rarely gets mention for fear of absolving perpetrators from the damage that they cause and for making it seem like the victims enjoyed the experience, is that many people, both women and men, who have been sexually assaulted become physiologically sexually aroused, and some even orgasm. Again, this seems counterintuitive, but from a purely physiological point of view it makes some sense. One can become physiologically aroused through physical stimulation without becoming psychologically aroused or enjoying the experience. It's simply a physical response, much like laughing when tickled (which is typically an unpleasant experience). For someone who has physiological response during sexual assault, this can be an extremely difficult thing to understand given the traumatic nature of the event. It can lead to shame, guilt, secrecy, etc. There was an AMA on Reddit a while back by a therapist who specializes in treating women who have such a response. Here's his intro:
There are people who do not believe it's possible for a woman or man to achieve orgasm during rape or other kinds of violent sexual assault. Some believe having an orgasm under these circumstances means that it wasn't a "real" rape or the woman/man "wanted" it.
I've assisted more young women than I can count with this very issue. It often comes up at some point during therapy and it's extremely embarrassing or shameful to talk about. However once it's out in the open, the survivor can look at her/his reaction honestly and begin to heal. The shame and guilt around it is a large part of why some rapes go unreported and why there is a need for better understanding in society for how and why this occurs.
There have been very few studies on orgasm during rape, but the research so far shows numbers from 10% to over 50% having this experience. In my experience as a therapist, it has been somewhat less than half of the girls/women I've worked with. (For the record, I have worked with very few boys/men who reported this.)
In professional discussions, colleagues report similar numbers. Therapists don't usually talk about this publicly as they fear contributing to the idea of victims "enjoying rape." It's also a reason why there isn't more research done on this and similar topics. My belief is that as difficult a topic as this is, if we can address it directly and remove the shame and stigma, then a lot more healing can happen. I'm hopeful that the Reddit community is open to learning and discussing topics like this.
The AMA is an intense read, both because of his amazing compassion and the willingness of those participating in the AMA with him to share their experiences. Here's a sample (click to make larger):
Screen Shot 2013-06-05 at 10.13.22 AM
More DamnYouAutocorrects.
in Humour Etc.
Persistence.
in Sex Toys, Humour Etc.
From Komo News:
Hysterical Literature.
in Orgasm
From Criminal Wisdom:
In his latest project, Hysterical Literature, photographer Clayton Cubitt takes a beautiful woman, places her at a table in front of a black backdrop and gets her to read from her favorite book while an unseen accomplice below the table attempts to bring the woman to orgasm with a vibrator. The results are an intimate, sexy experience that captures a beauty rarely found in most modern pornography.
And one of the videos (NSFW noises!):
See the rest here.
Sex surrogacy.
Cheryl-Cohen-Greene
From AOL:
Sex Surrogate Cheryl Cohen Greene, 68: I've Slept With Over 900 People
Cheryl Cohen Greene is a 68-year-old loving grandmother and cancer survivor who's been happily married for 33 years. In that time, she's slept with hundreds of other men in her conjugal bed, and transformed many of their lives.
Greene is a sex surrogate, treating patients with sexual difficulties through talk, touching and intercourse, for $300 per two-hour session. Greene's story has now reached hundreds of thousands of people, thanks to the movie "The Sessions," about the treatments that she (played by Helen Hunt) provided journalist and poet Mark O'Brien (John Hawkes), who was disabled by polio as a boy.
Paralyzed from the neck down and tethered to an iron lung, O'Brien sought Greene's services as a 38-year-old virgin who hoped to find some comfort in his own skin, and feel a little more deserving of love. Greene talks about her experiences with O'Brien, as well as several other of her patients, in her memoir An Intimate Life: Sex, Love, and My Journey as a Surrogate Partner, published in November.
Read the rest here.
And a video clip from CNN to go with the article:
Gotta say, I'm not so keen on the distinction between sex surrogacy ("serious work") and prostitution being made. Both are sex work, and both can meet a similar need for the clients. This just further stigmatizes prostitution as illegitimate and something to be looked down upon.
Industrial design meets slick engineering in new generation of sex toys.
in Sex Toys
As sex toys have become less taboo and much more popular, the market has expanded at an extraordinary rate. It's now a huge industry, worth upwards of $20 billion in annual sales. Many new designers and engineers, with very legit credentials, have entered the industry, leading to a surge in impressive new devices. The following are a few examples.
Bedroom Kandi, a collaboration between OhMiBod and Kandi Burruss. Bedroom Kandi cleaned up at last year's Adult Novelty Expo, winning the Best Overall Sex Toy Line.
Crave also makes stealthy flash vibes that look like mascara tubes:
Intensity by Jopen. This device stimulates and exercises - it's intended to provide pleasure while also strengthening the PC muscles.
The Blade by Fleshlight (link NSFW). This is the latest iteration of the Fleshlight, the most popular male masturbatory toy. What makes it different than previous generations of Fleshlights is that it can be squeezed, adding increased pressure. The inner texture was also enhanced.
Thursday mail - May 30.
Have any questions or comments related to sex and sexuality? If so, fire away.
Love the sinner, hate the sin: Redux.
Gay rights has become one of the pivotal social issues of our time, pitting those who strictly follow religious doctrine against religious moderates and secularists. It has become one of the primary grounds of the culture war between social conservatives, and both libertarians and liberals.
Organized religions that subscribe to the view that homosexuality is a sin, an illness and a perversion, have found themselves backed into a corner. They have been accused of being bigots, cherry-picking parts of religious texts to suit their prejudices, and have been compared with those who chose to deny rights to ethnic minorities in the past (i.e., in the US, those who fought against the abolition of slavery). Many of the people who are members of these religions have found it extremely difficult to try to reconcile their religious beliefs with their desire to be good, nice, non-hateful people (this is a classic example of cognitive dissonance). This has led to a lot of mental gymnastics on their parts to try to justify their beliefs. Probably the best example is the idea of loving the sinner but not the sin. In other words, as someone who follows strict religious doctrine, you love the homosexual as a person, but not his/her behaviour (as its sinful). This allows them to speak out against homosexuality (and actively fight against gay rights, in many cases) and still feel good about themselves.
Here's a good explanation of why this problematic, from John Corvino:
The following article is the next step in this approach. The mental gymnastics are more convoluted and the writing is intellectually inspired, but the purpose is still the same. Instead of love the sinner, hate the sin, it's that sexuality shouldn't really be that important to an individual (and that individual's identity) and therefore there shouldn't really be any fuss about the church's doctrine declaring homosexuality a sin.
From Patheos:
No Longer Anonymous: Why I Decided to Come Out as a Gay Priest
Bravely facing the applause of a world in love with labels, and just in time for the release of a second edition of his new book “Hidden Voices, Reflections of a Gay, Catholic Priest,” Fr. Gary M. Meier came out today and declared himself openly gay to the notoriously unsympathetic Huffington Post.
Bless the man, may the Lord keep him, let His face shine upon him and give him His peace. He’ll be attacked by idiotic Catholics, whose quotes will undoubtedly be used in his up-and-coming “This Has Been Difficult” op-ed. But the sins of hatred will hardly puncture his popularity. I am attacking — with trident and with fire – his philosophy and his easy critique of Church teaching that will win the blank-eyed nods of every other person who doesn’t give a damn about reading what the Church actually teaches. He says:
…that’s precisely the message our Church is sharing. LGBT youth are hearing that they are disordered, diseased, defective, damaged goods, wrong when they should be right.
If they are being give this message, it is not by the Church. The message the Church has been consistently giving to LGBTQ youth is the same message she gives to heterosexual youth — you are not your genitals. Stop introducing yourself with your penises.
We take offense at the Church when she says that “homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered,” (CCC 2357) but only because we put her words through the mind-numbing blender of reductionist thought which defines people as being their sexuality, as being heterosexual, being homosexual, being a lesbian, being pansexual, etc. The LGBTQ movement is so concerned with developing and refining their plethora of scientific labels by which to reduce human beings to a word describing their genital behavior that they — and the culture they own — have forgotten a very simple fact. You are not what gives you a boner.
[...]
No, homosexuality is not a gift from God, and neither is heterosexuality, metrosexuality, omnisexuality, asexuality, or any of the spreading, metastasizing barcodes by which we categorize unique human beings into sections and subsections and sliding-scales until we can finally sleep at night, comfortable that there is a place for everything and everything in its place, and that we, accurately labeled heterosexuals or homosexuals, belong. I’d sooner set myself on fire than be so comfortably placed, for these “sexualities” don’t exist. Sexuality has no existence apart from people. Sexuality is eminently, beautifully, and incredibly personal, a radical adventure in becoming the self that we are, a self that is neither ghost nor corpse but a synthesis of body and soul, an inseparable union we call the human person. It is not a label, it is a challenge, but we’re so frightened of living as the body and soul that we are — and thus becoming Saints — that we’d much prefer to reduce ourselves into the dust from whence we came, to drift as ghosts inhabiting bodies we can hardly stand to live in.
So Meier will misrepresent Church teaching, The Huffington Post will applaud, Macklemore will write a few more songs, and the labels will multiply like loaves under the hands of Christs. But you, reader, defy. Abolish within yourself the inhuman effort of reduction that would have you cowering like a slave. Take up your cross with that joy that castrates fear and become the embodied self who you are.
Read the rest here.
Samesies.
A parody (NSFW language!):
Vibrator races.
in Sex Toys
Passed along my Laura (thanks!): From Jezebel:
Vibrator Races in Vegas Prove That People in Vegas Are Bored
There’s a new racket in Vegas, the city where there just aren’t enough bad decision to be made. Sex toy races, whereby four battery-powered dildos crawl across a tabletop at a speed so slow that participants can feel themselves traveling backwards in time to the moment they decided they’d have a lark and put money down on the vibrator race, are becoming popular, or at least popular enough that we have documented evidence of their existence.
The game, created by Fun Factory, can be “played” by up to eight giggling people who have the prudish stamina to be excited by sex toys moving under their own power like giant, mechanized slugs at a 1.5 mph clip. However, in the storied tradition of phallic races, the Milwaukee Brewers Sausage Races remain unchallenged.
More PostSecrets.
in Humour Etc.
Genitals.
Two videos from Davey Wavey:
The Oblation Run.
Submitted by Paula (thanks!):
Every year at the University of the Philippines, the Alpha Phi Omega (APO) fraternity has the annual "Oblation Run", an APO (and UP) tradition since the 1970s when the Philippines was under Martial Law. The Oblation Run takes its inspiration from the symbol of the university, the statue of the Oblation (You can simply search the words Oblation UP), which is that of a man, with his arms outstretched, looking up to the sky, completely naked except for some leaves covering his penis. So you guessed it, the Oblation Run has members of the APO fraternity running through the halls of one of the most famous buildings in UP (at least in the Diliman Campus, other branches of UP have the same run but I don't know where they have their route), the Palma Hall, which is the home of the college of Social Sciences and Philosophy, completely naked (but with masks covering their faces). It happens every December, to celebrate (If I remember correctly) the foundation date of APO which is also in December. During the run, the halls are full of people, of all ages, and you do notice more girls (haha) in the mix, which is related to another tradition during the run itself. You'll see the men running holding roses and they give those roses out to girls. I was told as a freshman then that the roses are given out to the prettiest girls (I don't know if that was true but that was the supposed story behind the roses) and some girls studying in the University have it on their "Before I graduate UP list" to get a rose from a frat guy running the Oblation Run. Now the biggest reason they have the Oblation Run is to shed light on issues in the country, as UP is a university known for its protests, and a lot of students are activists as well [because it's the state funded university]. In 2009, when I was a freshman, the biggest issue was the Maguindanao Massacre where about 60 journalists were murdered, allegedly by the family of the governor of one of the provinces to the south. But anyway, the biggest thing that's important about the run is that they use their bodies to draw attention to issues. It's a huge event every year, and people do go to the university just to see it in December and it's always covered by all the big media giants in the country. (I have a video somewhere, but it's not as good as some of the ones I found on Youtube, because these people were actually IN FRONT where you get a good view).
NSFW!
And a news clip from 2009:
It says that once again, people flocked to see the annual Oblation Run of the APO Fraternity at the University of the Philippines, but this year, there seems to be a deeper meaning to running naked, because they believe that this will help bring about changes in the midst of crisis in the country.
You can see in that video that girls are squealing, covering their faces (quite hilarious that at 0:33 the girl is covering herself with a paper mask of the current vice president of the Philippines. Apparently, that year, I can't remember if it was the 50th or 100th anniversary of the fraternity and Vice President Binay was apparently participating in the run as well, which would be quite the sight because... yeah. But I'm not sure if he was there because you can't tell the guys' faces because of the masks... unless of course you know them by their penises which would be quite hilarious), and yes even guys were squealing. The girl interviewed says "It's much bigger this year than last year!!!". The guy says that he loved seeing "the show" (I forgot the english equivalent of the word kinilig), and more girls loved getting the aforementioned rose (including a couple of foreigners who I guess went to the university just to see it... not a rare sight at that time haha) But the biggest reason for the run is to shed light on the issues.
App: Period Tracker Deluxe.
in Menstruation
Submitted by Kelsey (thanks!):
I use a nifty iPhone App called Period Tracker Deluxe (it's also available as a free version, called Period Tracker Lite.) It's essentially genius, and lets women track the length of their periods (and the projected start dates of their next period), their symptoms, moods, cravings, weight, basal body temperature, consistency of their discharge, and through a series of charts and graphs also shows them their most fertile window and when they're due to ovulate. It also lets them keep track of when they're intimate, and, as such, when they have more reason to panic when their period is MIA. Mostly I find it useful to recognize patterns in my cycle, as way of getting to know my body overall.
This is the website for it: link.
I started out with the P-Tracker Lite version, but decided to splurge the $1.99 and upgrade. I'm sure there are billions of apps out there that do this, but I figured I'd share my success story.
Women's sexuality.
Recent research has challenged some of the long-held stereotypes about the sexes and how vastly different men and women are. This isn't to say that sex differences aren't real - it's just that men and women are actually more similar than they are different. Part of the difficulty in doing research on sex differences in sexuality is the bias that manifests itself in self-report data. Women are much more likely to underreport all aspects of sexuality, and men are more likely to overreport. How much this effects research on sex differences isn't entirely clear.
The New York Times recently published an excellent piece (despite some minor problems) about women's sexuality, in particular sexual desire. The piece is adapted from the book, What Do Women Want? Adventures in the Science of Female Desire.. It's long, but worth reading, and it mentions much of the stuff we discussed in class.
Unexcited? There May Be a Pill for That
Linneah sat at a desk at the Center for Sexual Medicine at Sheppard Pratt in the suburbs of Baltimore and filled out a questionnaire. She read briskly, making swift checks beside her selected answers, and when she was finished, she handed the pages across the desk to Martina Miller, who gave her a round of pills.
The pills were either a placebo or a new drug called Lybrido, created to stoke sexual desire in women. Checking her computer, Miller pointed out gently that Linneah hadn’t been doing her duty as a study participant. Over the past eight weeks, she took the tablets before she planned to have sex, and for every time she put a pill on her tongue, she was supposed to make an entry in her online diary about her level of lust.
“I know, I know,” Linneah said. She is a 44-year-old part-time elementary-school teacher, and that day she wore red pants and a canary yellow scarf. (She asked that only a nickname be used to protect her privacy.) “It’s a mess. I keep forgetting.”
Miller, a study coordinator, began a short interview, typing Linneah’s replies into a database that the medication’s Dutch inventor, Adriaan Tuiten, will present to the Food and Drug Administration this summer or fall as part of his campaign to win the agency’s approval and begin marketing what might become the first female-desire drug in America. “Thinking about your desire now,” Miller said, “would you say it is absent, very low, low, reasonable or present?”
“Low.” This was no different from Linneah’s reply at the trial’s outset two months before.
“When your partner initiated sexual activity over the past eight weeks, did you show avoidance behavior?”
“Yes.”
“Like earlier to bed?”
“Yes.” Linneah’s voice lurched louder; she laughed; it was a relief to talk bluntly.
“Do you have pleasant feelings when you’re touched?”
“Yes.”
Later, after her appointment, she told me that in fact she has orgasms pretty much every time she and her husband have sex — that wasn’t the problem. “There’s something that’s stopping me from wanting it,” she said. “I don’t know what it is. I can’t tell you what it is.”
Go read the rest here.
Some interesting commentary from Jezebel (link here).
Phimosis, treated.
From The Mystery Box Show: