Have any questions or comments related to sex or sexuality? If so, fire away.
From one of your peers.
As I'm sure many of you already know, a Facebook page called UBC Compliments sprung up last fall. There are similar pages for colleges and universities across North America (and probably across the pond, too). The idea is simple - anybody can submit anonymous compliments about anything UBC-related. I was alerted about one submission in particular, which is long, but is a must-read. It's an extraordinary story of transformation, and how environment can have a profound effect on one's sense of self:
To my friends, colleagues, and the UBC community - thank you:
Much of my life has been a struggle over accepting my sexual identity, that I am a gay male. This post is more of an retrospect on how much my life has changed since entering UBC, and I'm very thankful for all the people I've met and the community for changing my life around. My life at UBC is a huge contrast from the life I had before.
I am currently in my final year completing a double major. I came to UBC in 2008 in pretty bad shape, I had been struggling with my gay sexual identity since grade 8 when I first realized I was gay. I was always depressed. And it was particularly difficult as I was attending an all-boys private Catholic school in Vancouver. Yes, you can <insert> the gay jokes here of how being in an all-boys school must have been paradise for any gay guy. Not quite exactly.
There was this tense homophobic atmosphere throughout the school. It was a jock-filled, testosterone-fuelled high school. Students were homophobic, teachers were homophobic. Well, for the most part anyway. I recall homosexuality being discussed in class. Well, it wasn't "discussed." My teachers were straight up telling us it was just plain wrong and evil. In one of my classes, my teacher asked us to raise our hands if they thought homosexuality was wrong. Everyone in our class of 30 did, including myself...gotta follow the crowd. A close friend of mine, who had transferred from public school (and is straight), said it was opposite from where he came from: the same question was asked, and every student had no issue with homosexuality.
Please go read the rest here.
That's a lot of porn.
in Pornography
From the Daily Caller, via Violet Blue:
Report: 1.2 million years of porn watched on two sites
Recent statics published by adult search engine PornWatchers.com revealed that Internet porn viewers have watched an astounding 1.2 million years worth of porn on two sites alone.
The search engine calculated that since their inception, the two sites — YouPorn and xHamster — have amassed 1.2 million years of viewing time. YouPorn launched in August 2006, and xHamster was registered in April 2007.
“While those two adult websites logged an amazing amount of adult viewing time, there are literally thousands of other adult tube websites that likely skyrocket that number,” Inquistr.com reported on Wednesday.
By comparison, the oldest European human fossil is confirmed by scientists to be 1.2 million years old.
Around that same time on Earth, scientists from the University of Utah calculated in 2010 that there were probably only around 18,500 humans capable of breeding, making mankind a then-endangered species.
Class act.
Despite the extremely NSFW (NOT SAFE FOR WORK) language, I think this is worth posting. I've posted about male sexual entitlement and the fragile male ego before (here and here).
Despite all the strides made in gender equality, and that many men do not exhibit these sorts of repugnant traits, attitudes, and behaviours, it's clear we've still got a long way to go. Conversations like the following are not at all uncommon. The narrative, from the invitation, the lack of respect given when the invitation is turned down, to the inability to graciously accept rejection, to the hostility and harassment that follows, is typical of some men. This is pretty much a textbook case.
Via Yer a wizard, Mary, and a thumpin' good one (click to make larger):
On love and family.
Via the SLOG:
Holy epic music.
Mainstream erotic literature here to stay?
The massive success of Fifty Shades of Grey (of which I'll hold my opinion, for the time being) has led to a growing interest in erotic literature. From an article on the CBC:
More shades of sexy in 2013
The resurgence of interest in erotic literature this past year, thanks mostly to E.L. James's Fifty Shades trilogy, is only the tip of the iceberg, as 2013 will see a big wave of new hyped-up sexy adult stories hit the market.
"I definitely don't see this phenomenon slowing down. It certainly hasn't yet," Beth Lockley, executive director of publicity and marketing for Penguin Group of Canada, told the Canadian Press recently. "It sort of seems almost hotter than ever in a way."
American author Sylvia Day, who has found immense success with her Crossfire series, will see her third book, Entwined with You, out in bookstores this spring. The previous book, Reflected in You, sold nearly 20,000 copies in Canada alone during its first week of release last October.
There's also quite a buzz surrounding a Canadian author writing under the pseudonym Sylvain Reynard, whose series Gabriel's Inferno also began as Twilight-inspired fan fiction, much like Fifty Shades of Grey. The story is more distinctly Canadian, however, based around a brilliant but mysterious professor at the University of Toronto who has a passionate affair with an intelligent but conflicted grad student.
Read the rest here.
A love story.
From hypervocal:
The Love Story of a Man and a Woman with Two Sets of Genitals Each
(Probably NSFW.)
Blanche Dumas, born to French and Caribbean parents, was a high-class Parisian courtesan in the late 1800s. She was uniquely qualified for her line of work: Attached to her lower back was a third leg, and her wider-than-normal pelvis contained two bladders, two bowels and, yes, two vaginas. Her doctors noted that both sets of ladyparts had “equally developed sensations.” They also commented on her sex drive, which was “markedly pronounced,” and, they confirmed, “coitus was practised in both vaginae.”
[...]
While living in Paris, Dumas met Juan Baptista dos Santos, a Portuguese man with a “ravenous” sexual appetite. Like Dumas, he happened to have a third, nonfunctional leg, which he kept in a sling or tied to his thigh. And like Dumas, he also had a second set of genitals.
“Juan was considered quite handsome, fit and well proportioned,” writes The Human Marvels, which adds, “Both penises functioned perfectly. An 1865 report stated that Santos used both penises during intercourse and, after finishing with one he would continue with the other.”
Diphallia, known as penile duplication, is a condition in which a male is born with two penises. Only 1,000 cases have ever been reported. One in 5.5 million men in the United States has two penises.
Read the rest of the articles and see the other photos here.
Another new study on pubic hair styling.
From the Journal of Sexual Medicine.
Abstract:
Introduction. Pubic hair removal is prevalent among women in the United States. However, most studies related to pubic hair removal are based on cross-sectional surveys and retrospective recall. Aim. The purpose of this research was to, in a prospective event-level daily diary study, assess demographic, affective, relational, situational, and behavioral factors related to women's pubic hair removal. Method. Data collection occurred as part of a 5-week prospective, Internet-based daily diary study. Main Outcome Measures. Age; Affective predictors (positive mood, negative mood, feeling interested in sex, feeling in love); Relational predictors (partner support, partner negativity, partner type, partner gender); Situational predictors (any vaginal symptoms, use of any vaginal hygiene products; having applied any creams to the genitals); Behavioral variables (penile-vaginal sex, penile-anal sex, had finger inserted into vagina, had clitoris stimulated with fingers, inserted toy into vagina, used vibrator on clitoris, inserted finger into anus, inserted toy into anus, duration of penetration, intensity of penetration). Results. A total of 2,453 women ages 18 to 68 (mean age 32.69) completed the study, contributing 49,287 total diaries (mean per person 24.5; standard deviation 10.3, median 30); 15.2% of all days (N = 7,362) involved pubic hair waxing or shaving, with the vast majority of hair removal days involving shaving (N = 7,302; 99%). Pubic hair removal was significantly associated with younger age, a greater interest in sex, vaginal fingering, finger-clitoral stimulation, having a casual sex partner, using vaginal hygiene products, and applying cream to the genitals. Hair removal was marginally associated with longer duration of vaginal penetration. Conclusions. These findings provide greater insight into the factors associated with women's pubic hair removal and their sexual experiences on a day-to-day level. Clinical and educational implications are discussed.
Full reference:
Herbenick, D., Hensel, D., Smith, N.K., Schick, V., Reece, M., Sanders, S.A., & Fortenberry, J.D. (2012). Pubic Hair removal and sexual behavior: Findings from a prospective daily diary study of sexually active women in the United States. Journal of Sexual Medicine. doi: 10.1111/jsm.12031. [Epub ahead of print]
Thursday mail - January 3.
Have any questions or comments related to sex or sexuality? If so, fire away.
New love is fleeting.
in Love, Relationships
Artwork by Aashika Damodar.
From the New York Times:
New Love: A Short Shelf Life
IN fairy tales, marriages last happily ever after. Science, however, tells us that wedded bliss has but a limited shelf life.
American and European researchers tracked 1,761 people who got married and stayed married over the course of 15 years. The findings were clear: newlyweds enjoy a big happiness boost that lasts, on average, for just two years. Then the special joy wears off and they are back where they started, at least in terms of happiness. The findings, from a 2003 study, have been confirmed by several recent studies.
The good news for the holiday season when families gather in various configurations is that if couples get past that two-year slump and hang on — for another couple of decades — they may well recover the excitement of the honeymoon period 18 to 20 years later, when children are gone. Then, in the freedom of the so-called empty nest, partners are left to discover one another — and often their early bliss — once again.
When love is new, we have the rare capacity to experience great happiness while being stuck in traffic or getting our teeth cleaned. We are in the throes of what researchers call passionate love, a state of intense longing, desire and attraction. In time, this love generally morphs into companionate love, a less impassioned blend of deep affection and connection. The reason is that human beings are, as more than a hundred studies show, prone to hedonic adaptation, a measurable and innate capacity to become habituated or inured to most life changes.
With all due respect to poets and pop radio songwriters, new love seems nearly as vulnerable to hedonic adaptation as a new job, a new home, a new coat and other novel sources of pleasure and well-being. (Though the thrill of a new material acquisition generally fades faster.)
Read the rest of the article here.
Thursday Mail - December 13.
Have any questions or comments related to sex or sexuality? If so, fire away.
Procrastination time: More DYACs.
in Humour Etc.
Vibrators.
in Sex Toys
From Laci Green:
See the rest of her videos on her blog, here.
Sex with bones.
From The Local (Sweden):
Woman charged for sex with human skeleton
A woman in western Sweden who was arrested after police found skeletons in her apartment has now been charged for using the bones as sex toys, a hobby she claimed was motivated by an interest in history.
“I have never heard of a case like this and neither have my colleagues, so I dare to say that this kind of case is quite uncommon,” prosecutor Kristina Ehrenborg-Staffas told The Local.
A 37-year-old woman, who was arrested in September, was formally charged on Tuesday at the Gothenburg District Court for the crime of “violating the peace of the dead” (brott mot griftesfriden).
The prosecutor could not explain how the woman had managed to collect almost an entire skeleton, but explained that the human remains had been used in an “unethical” way.
"In the confidential section of the investigation we have material which indicates she used them in sexual situations," the prosecutor told the TT news agency.
The woman is believed to have used the human bones for sexual gratification. The evidence that the prosecution presented to the press on Tuesday included two CDs labelled “My necrophilia” and “My first experience” which contained a number of document files and pictures.
However, a psychological evaluation of the woman shows that she is not mentally ill, at least not in any legal sense of the term.
“Some of the photos show a woman licking a skull," Ehrenborg-Staffas told The Local.
Read the rest, and see the gallery of photos, here.
Thursday mail - November 29.
Have any questions or comments related to sex or sexuality? If so, fire away.
More PostSecrets.
in Humour Etc.
The Fifty Shades Generator.
Someone very clever has created the Fifty Shades Generator, mocking the horrible writing that characterizes the books. From the website:
The Fifty Shades Generator is a breakthrough in erotic fiction. At the click of a button, it generates world-class literature based on a pre-defined vocabulary.
[...]
Fledgling authors! Spice up your otherwise lacklustre novel with graphic sex scenes guaranteed to get your readers hot under the collar, and slightly sick in their mouths. If you end up winning a big literary award, we'll split the prize money 50/50, yeah? Wire transfer is fine.
When you visit and refresh the homepage (link), it produces an epic new paragraph. This is what I was provided when I visited the site:
I can't wait to chow down on the creamy load from his ocean's 11 inches. Hours of pounding like this would leave any girl's vertical smile looking like a rabid baboon's arse, and I was no different! It was bliss having his master of ceremonies stuffed inside me again; stuffing my tampon tunnel with a squash just didn't get my pink velvet sausage wallet squirting like it used to. The mixture of Mr. Hanky and cock snot in my shit winker created the delicious sphincter sauce that he was so fond of. With his ample cock slamming deep into my meat purse, the sensation of his chorizo howitzer smashing my cervix made me quake like Muhammad Ali on a tumble dryer.
Fans of the site have started submitting their readings of the generated text. Here is a compilation that was posted on the main page (NSFW!):
Another NY Times debate: Is legalized prostitution safer?
in Sex Work
From the New York Times:
Some say laws against prostitution unfairly victimize women. A Canadian court recently ruled that laws preventing brothels endangered prostitutes by forcing them to work on the streets. And as the recent Secret Service scandal makes clear, in Colombia, prostitution is legal in “tolerance zones.” But in Spain, prostitution is essentially legal, and the nation has become a magnet for sex trafficking. Can legalized prostitution ever be safe and free of exploitation? Or should laws against prostitution remain?
The debaters:
And the same comments apply: Keep in mind that the essays are not all based on research; they are mostly opinion pieces. But, they're worth reading, at the very least, to get an understanding of the various viewpoints people have.
Read the essays here.
Letters from Men Who Watch Pornography.
in Pornography
Letters from Men Who Watch Pornography is one of Susannah Breslin's Letters projects. She describes it as "an independent online project featuring letters from men about the reasons why they watch pornography."
A sample from one of the letters:
I'm not particularly ugly, nor am I unintelligent or dull, but I've always been kind of socially awkward. I've always felt like I wasn't wanted, like some kind of intruder in social situations, and I could never make any kind of honest meaningful connection with women. The girl I lost my virginity to didn't even enjoy sex, she just lay there, and kind of complained about it after. There were several other disappointing encounters, and at some point I think I subconsciously decided that it was better to be alone than to be disappointed all the time. Pornography was my last refuge I guess; I can get the sexual urges out of my system with a minimum of time and money and effort and go back to being a good little zombie at my job. In porn I like seeing women who are enjoying themselves, it doesn't even matter how attractive they are, as long as they can portray an honest appearance of true sexual joy on screen, and I can pretend that I am there with them and they enjoy my company.
I always just wanted to be loved, and yet I could never break through the wall of mistrust surrounding me. Porn at least gives me a semi-satisfying illusion.
The rest his letter, and many others, here.
The dangers of pornography.
in Pornography
From a very old journal article: