NSFW language:
Sexual Behaviour
Swinging for Jesus.
From SheKnows:
Christian wife-swapping couple evangelizes by 'swinging for Jesus' by Bethany Ramos
Christian couple vows to spread God's Word through wife-swapping.
It's not every day that you hear about Christians who are willing to do anything, and I mean anything, for Jesus. I say this as a Christian — it is possible to go too far in your attempt to spread the word of the Lord. One Christian couple proves my point perfectly by attempting to run a Christian swingers' social network, all in the name of Jesus.
Oh, boy. I would love to say that this swinging for the Lord site is an internet hoax, but alas, Cristy and Dean Parave are the real deal. This Florida couple has taken up their cross to start a Christian swinging website to spread the gospel and share their interests with other devoted Christians.
What are their interests, you ask? Jesus, wife swapping and bodybuilding — in that order. That's why the Paraves have chosen to name their site FitnessSwingers.com.
There's so much to say about this that I don't even know where to begin. First — and most obviously — what an interesting mix of interests. I'm sure there are other holy-rolling, fitness-loving, swinging married couples out there, but to say that this site is niche would be putting it mildly. I'm no business expert, but I don't see a huge market for iron-pumping sexy swingers who also love the Lord. I could be wrong.
Next on the list, there's the big elephant in the room: Jesus. What does He think about a website dedicated to religious folks who swap partners like used Bibles at a Sunday morning church service? You can put your mind at ease because the Paraves believe that God is totes fine with their lifestyle.
"I don't think God would be mad at what we are doing... Dean and I are both in agreement with this lifestyle, so we're not committing adultery. God put people on the earth to breed and enjoy each other," Cristy told The Daily Mail.
I'm certainly not a hellfire-and-brimstone Christian. I see where Cristy is coming from. God wants us all to enjoy life and have a good time. He's not lurking around every corner to smite us because we make one silly mistake.
But slapping a "for the Lord" label on whatever you do to make yourself feel better about your decision makes little sense. If you want to swing while being a Christian, that's up to you and your partner. If you want to visit or even create a swinger's website to share like-minded interests, go nuts. Get your freak on, have a good time and mix and mingle with other couples — just don't pretend like you're doing it for Jesus.
And a video clip from Barcroft TV:
Casual sex.
Normally, I just include snippets of articles but this one is too nuanced to chop it up. So in its entirety, from the Pacific Standard:
Casual Sex Is Actually Excellent for You, If You Love Casual Sex By Ryan Jacobs
New research suggests that not all casual sex is bad. For those legitimately interested, it can boost life satisfaction and self-esteem and lessen anxiety.
A lot of psychology researchers are giant prudes. In previous studies of bedding strangers, some have suggested that pretty much all casual sex is detrimental to your psychological well-being. As a new study published in Social Psychological and Personality Science notes, they’ll rattle off negatives like “less enjoyment and nurturance than romantic sex, frequent regret, unwanted emotional attachment, substance use, and social stigma.” There are others, too, of course: cheap wine and awkward conversation in a smelly apartment, haphazardly setting off stairwell fire exit alarms as you sneak out into the night, or a long and lonely morning walk or taxi ride of shame.
But research that has attempted to measure the overall effects of one-night stands and “fuck buddies” on psychological health hasn’t been totally decisive. “[P]ast findings on the main effects of casual sex on well-being range from negative to positive with a preponderance of nonsignificant results,” the new study, led by sex researcher Zhana Vrangalova, notes. In other words, the inconsistencies might mean that the true effect is context- and personality-dependent.
All-negative or all-positive findings don’t really account for the strange and nuanced spectrum of opinion about casual sex, and they especially exclude those who can’t wait to engage in their next coital misadventure with a complete stranger they just met while grinding on a dance floor of a sweaty club.
As we all know, these people do exist. They lurk in our bar’s backrooms, on our gym’s racquetball courts, on cruises and in airplanes, and on every street in the city of Miami. And, Vranglalova figured, they should be accounted for in statistical analysis.
In social science parlance, the personality trait that measures degrees of interest in casual sex is termed “sociosexuality.” “Sociosexual orientation is a relatively stable tendency toward or away from casual sex, determined by a combination of heritable factors, sociocultural learning, and past experiences, and reflected in three key components: motivation for, attitudes toward, and past experience with casual sex,” the authors write.
Other research has shown there are positive psychological benefits when someone acts authentically, or in accordance with their personality. The authors argue that there would be no reason to believe that this effect wouldn’t extend to casual sex. If you are “sociosexually unrestricted,” or you desire casual sex, you might derive psychological benefits from feeling like you’re acting authentically while having it. If you’re “sociosexually restricted,” it might work the opposite way.
The researchers tested their theory by surveying 371 college students about baseline sociosexuality and then asking about their sexual behavior and psychological well-being over a period of nine months. “Participants were considered to have had penetrative casual sex on a given week if any of their oral, vaginal, or anal intercourse partners were reported as one-night stands, friends with benefits, fuck buddies, casually hanging out, just friends, ex-partners, or unclear/complicated,” the researchers explain.
By the end of the study, 42 percent of subjects reported having sex outside a relationship. When it came to those who were sociosexually unrestricted, having casual sex was associated with higher self-esteem and life satisfaction and lower depression and anxiety. “Typically, sociosexually unrestricted individuals (i.e., those highly oriented toward casual sex) reported lower distress and higher thriving following casual sex, suggesting that high sociosexuality may both buffer against any potentially harmful consequences of casual sex and allow access to its potential benefits,” the researchers write. Additionally, feelings of authenticity “amplified” the beneficial psychological effects, but did not spur them, as hypothesized. Surprisingly, the researchers did not find any negative effects on well-being in those who were sociosexually restricted but had casual sex anyway. This might be due to limited sample size, though, since not very many restricted subjects did this.
“This study certainly seems to suggest that casual sex can be a good thing for people who are open to it, desire it, and have positive attitudes towards it,” Vrangalova says in an email to Pacific Standard. “And it is always a good idea to be safe while doing it and not get too wasted – other research shows that a lot of the guilt following casual sex comes from failure to [use] condoms or getting too drunk.”
Still, these findings do not imply that “casual sex is better than relationship sex, even for unrestricted people,” Vrangalova cautions. “The vast majority of unrestricted people desire, enjoy, and form relationships; they just also enjoy and desire casual sex.”
Not unexpectedly, the types of people who constantly desire casual sex sound a bit insufferable. They are generally “extroverted,” sensation-seeking, “impulsive,” “avoidantly attached” males, who “also invest less in romantic relationships and are more likely to have cheated on a romantic partner (perhaps because monogamous arrangements are less well-suited for them),” Vrangalova says. “Among men, they are also more likely to be physically strong, and especially among college men, also more sexist, manipulative, coercive and narcissistic.” They also tend to be “unconventional, attractive, [and] politically liberal.”
Crucially, the study proves that casual sex is much more textured and complex than previous research has let on. “This study and a previous study of mine are some of the first studies to show that hooking up is not always bad or good for everyone, that it depends on various personal, interpersonal and situational factors,” Vrangalova says. “And we need more research that will examine these various factors, and move the discourse away from the black-and-white picture often painted and toward these more useful nuances.” Pushing past the binary, Vrangalova is now investigating what influence getting wasted and forgetting to use a condom might have on casual sex’s overall psychological effects.
Armpit fetish.
From Vice:
Illustration by Elizabeth Vasquez
It's Time To Talk About Armpit Fetishes By Alison Stevenson
Armpit fetishism: It’s real, yet not really talked about. We live in an age where tossing salad is all over mainstream porn, but there aren't many people who are gonna cop to licking someone's pit to get off. Is an armpit fetish really so different from all the other freaky stuff out there?
[…]
I remember jokingly putting on my OkCupid profile that I had hairy armpits, thinking that would deter a lot of men from messaging me. I never took the site all too seriously, and at the time indeed had hairy pits. So I thought, why not? I figured I’d add this detail about myself so the men posing shirtless in their default pictures would deem me gross, or even worse—some kind of feminist (a.k.a. unfuckable). To my surprise, I had a slew of messages from men who were either “curious” about my armpits, asked me to send pictures, or flat-out stated they loved hairy pits. I found myself in a predicament: If I shaved my armpits, I’d be pleasing men. If I didn't shave my armpits, I’d still be pleasing men. A real damned if I do, damned if I don’t sort of scenario. Couldn't I go just one day without being so goddamn desirable?
A few weeks later, I started seeing someone I met through the site. He lived in San Francisco while I was still living in my college town of Davis. The first time I took a train to meet him, we ended up spending the whole weekend together. The night before I had to leave, we were drunk and got to groping. Eventually, we were both naked. He stopped kissing my lips, and moved down towards my neck and breasts. At this point I was expecting some standard nipple sucking, but instead he lifted my right arm and began licking my armpit up and down. He paused and asked me if this was OK. I let him keep going, and he enthusiastically got to licking the other one. Licking, and kissing it. After a few seconds, he asked if he could “stick his dick there." I panicked at first, thinking he wanted to stick it in my butt. When he clarified that he was talking about my armpits, I was relieved. Hell yeah you can stick it there, just not the butt. Anything but the butt.
Wedding-night sex on the decline.
From Jezebel:
Nobody Has Wedding Night Sex Anymore by TracyMoore
Wedding night sex is officially as passé as using Febreze or talking on the phone. Rather than get it on, newlyweds are wont to do any number of things post-nuptch that do not involve consummating the marriage. Consider this historical trajectory though: Medieval couples hadto do it. Modern couples simply ain't care.
Though facts here are easily fudged — who can ever know for sure how often anyone does it, when, why, or how, or count on the doers to be reliable narrators — surveys hint at some recurring just-hitched issues that lead to one of you spending your Big Night with your true soul mate playing Words With Friends on your phone. And what's more, being fine with it.
A recent survey from a wedding stationary company Paper Shaker claims a quarter of couples don't do it. A few years ago, the Daily Telegraph covered a survey by Bride to Be magazine, which found that 90% of couples expect to do the deed, but only a quarter see their dreams realized. The Daily Mail, who may or may not be forever a bridesmaid, insists that over half of couples (from a survey double the size of the previous) don't make it official by ancient religious standards on the wedding night.
The biggest reason? Drunk dick. Second biggest reason? Too tired. Last year, a financial advice website asked newlyweds why they bypass the action (in this survey, fewer than 48% got around to sex). All had been married within the previous three years. Their reasons:
Groom too drunk (24%)
Bride too tired (16%)
Bride too drunk (13%)
Had to watch kids (11%)
Had fight before reception ended (9%)
Needed to leave for honeymoon (9%)
Pulled an all-nighter partying (7%)
Groom too tired (4%)
Neither felt like it (4%)
Read the rest, including some funny personal anecdotes, here.
Some ponderings on threesomes.
From NY Mag:
Just How Preposterous Is the Fantasy of No-Strings Threesomes? By Maureen O'Connor
[…]
Three-way sex may have a reputation as libertinish, profligate, promiscuous. But in just about every way the three-way defies and distorts the no-strings plus-one fantasy — instead reflecting and refracting our understanding of commitment. Beginning with what it means to couples, who often see it as a way of branching out. But the more I talked to couples about their threesomes, the more it seemed a third person forces the other two to realize exactly how much — or little — they have in common. At a time when the most universal sexual imperatives seem to be communication and shared pleasure, three-ways have shifted toward the cult of romance — sexual fantasy sublimated into intense coupling. They’re for the couple who share everything, including mistresses. Assuming, of course, they can find a willing mistress. “They should call this app Unicorn Hunter,” a straight 31-year-old grumbled to me on 3nder.
[…]
But even among those more likely to visit New Zealand, three-ways remain a common form of monogamist escapist fantasy. My friend Maya (her name and some others have been changed) considers three-way flirtation the ultimate win-win “sexual white lie”: “Just hot enough to make you sound kinky, without being kinky enough to scare off more conservative men. And the logistics involved are so intricate that it’s rarely going to come to fruition anyway.” Normally, she considers herself “too insecure and afraid of getting left out to actually do it,” articulating a common three-way fear: jealousy and rivalry breaking the couple apart.
New research on sexting.
From PsychCentral:
Is Sexting Normal? By Rick Nauert PhD
Provocative new research suggests sexting may be a new “normal” part of adolescent sexual development and is not strictly limited to at-risk teens.
Researchers have published their findings on teenage sexting and future sexual activity in the journal Pediatrics.
[…]
Investigators believe this shows that sexting behavior is a normal sign of teenage sexual activity. This belief is buttressed by the failure to discover a link between sexting and risky sexual behavior over time.
In other words, sexting may be becoming a part of growing up.
“We now know that teen sexting is fairly common,” said Dr. Jeff Temple, an associate professor and psychologist at University of Texas Medical Branch at Galveston (UTMB).
“For instance, sexting may be associated with other typical adolescent behaviors such as substance use. Sexting is not associated with either good or poor mental well-being.”
[…]
In the analysis, Temple and a postdoctoral research fellow at UTMB, Hye Jeong Choi, Ph.D., examined data from the second and third years of their study to determine whether teen sexting predicted sexual activity one year later.
They found that the odds of being sexually active as high school juniors was slightly higher for youth who sent a sext, or naked picture of themselves, the previous year, compared to teens who did not sext.
Just as importantly, they did not find sexting to be linked with later risky sexual behaviors.
An important component of the study is the distinction between actively sending a nude picture versus asking or being asked for a nude picture. Researchers found that actually sending a sext was the important part of the link between sexting and sexual behavior, as opposed to merely asking or being asked for a nude picture.
Documentary: Guys and Dolls.
Another documentary on sex dolls:
Humans having non-human sex.
Originally from College Humor:
Business Time.
From Flight of the Conchords:
Clip: Anatomically Correct Slow Jam.
From College Humor:
Premature ejaculation and women's sexual satisfaction.
From PsyPost:
Study: Women repeatedly short-changed when it comes to premature ejaculation
Premature ejaculation is one of the most common sexual disorders in men. But it is not just the men who suffer; it also causes increased psychological strain and stress in women, as a new survey conducted by Andrea Burri, a clinical psychologist at the University of Zurich, reveals.
Around 40 percent of over 1,500 women polled from Mexico, Italy and South Korea indicated that ejaculation control is very important for satisfactory intercourse. It is not the short duration of the act of lovemaking that is primarily regarded as the main source of sexual frustration by the majority of women, but the fact that the man is focused too strongly on delaying ejaculation. As a result, he ignores the sexual needs of the woman and is unable to satisfy her individual desires.
Women who rarely climax suffer more
For the majority of the women polled, satisfying sexuality does not only consist of sexual intercourse, but also includes kissing, caressing and other forms of sexual stimulation, which are considered equally important. If the man is primarily preoccupied with his problem, premature ejaculation and thus his performance, these needs are ignored.
Sexual intercourse is increasingly determined by time and not “how we like it and what is good for us”. “In the long run, the woman becomes distressed and frustrated. Much like the man, she avoids sexual contact for fear of rejection and the resulting trauma for her own sexuality,” explains sex researcher Andrea Burri. The woman thus suffers a loss in quality of life and ultimately calls the relationship into question.
It is mainly women who do not perceive intercourse as the central aspect of sexuality, but prioritize sexual creativity that suffer from the man’s one-sided attention. “Interestingly, lengthy coitus is primarily important for women who do not have any trouble climaxing,” says Burri. For women who rarely reach orgasm – if at all – how long coitus lasts is not central. Instead, the sexual act serves to establish and experience intimacy and commitment. Although premature ejaculation is also regarded as exasperating by women, the short duration is deemed less problematic than the partner’s inattentiveness towards their other sexual needs.
Reddit users sum up first sexual experiences with GIFs.
One woman's experience taking the pledge.
In this piece, the authour recounts her experiences growing up in a church where girls were expected to take the virginity pledge. The piece is extremely critical. The comments at the bottom are worth reading as a counterpoint. Along those lines, it's important to remember that many people who remain abstinent until marriage are happy they did so, and that many people who had sex as kids wish they had waited, or had done so under different conditions or with someone else. Alternatively, there are also many, many people who are happy that they had sex before being married. In other words, this woman's experiences do not reflect everyone's, although I'm sure they resonate with many.
From XO Jane:
It Happened To Me: I Waited Until Marriage Night To Lose My Virginity And I Wish I Hadn't by Samantha Pugsley
[…]
At the age of 10, I took a pledge at my church alongside a group of other girls to remain a virgin until marriage. Yes, you read that right -- I was 10 years old.
[…]
The church taught me that sex was for married people. Extramarital sex was sinful and dirty and I would go to Hell if I did it. I learned that as a girl, I had a responsibility to my future husband to remain pure for him. It was entirely possible that my future husband wouldn't remain pure for me, because he didn't have that same responsibility, according to the Bible. And of course, because I was a Christian, I would forgive him for his past transgressions and fully give myself to him, body and soul.
Once I got married, it would be my duty to fulfill my husband's sexual needs. I was told over and over again, so many times I lost count, that if I remained pure, my marriage would be blessed by God and if I didn't that it would fall apart and end in tragic divorce.
I believed it. Why wouldn't I? I was young and these were people I trusted. Everyone knew I'd taken the virginity vow, of course. Gossip is the lifeblood of the Baptist Church. My parents were so proud of me for making such a spiritual decision. The church congregation applauded my righteousness.
[…]
We were together for six years before we got married. Any time we did anything remotely sexual, guilt overwhelmed me. I wondered where the line was because I was terrified to cross it. Was he allowed to touch my breasts? Could we look at each other naked? I didn't know what was considered sexual enough to condemn my future marriage and send me straight to Hell.
An unhealthy mixture of pride, fear, and guilt helped me keep my pledge until we got married. In the weeks before our wedding, I often got congratulated on keeping my virginity for so long. The comments ranged from curious (how in the world did you manage?) to downright disgusting (I bet you're going to have one busy wedding night!). I let them place me on the pedestal as their virginal, perfect-Christian-girl mascot.
I lost my virginity on my wedding night, with my husband, just as I had promised that day when I was 10 years old. I stood in the hotel bathroom beforehand, wearing my white lingerie, thinking, "I made it. I'm a good Christian." There was no chorus of angels, no shining light from Heaven. It was just me and my husband in a dark room, fumbling with a condom and a bottle of lube for the first time.
Sex hurt. I knew it would. Everyone told me it would be uncomfortable the first time. What they didn't tell me is that I would be back in the bathroom afterward, crying quietly for reasons I didn't yet comprehend. They didn't tell me that I'd be on my honeymoon, crying again, because sex felt dirty and wrong and sinful even though I was married and it was supposed to be okay now.
When we got home, I couldn't look anyone in the eye. Everyone knew my virginity was gone. My parents, my church, my friends, my co-workers. They all knew I was soiled and tarnished. I wasn't special anymore. My virginity had become such an essential part of my personality that I didn't know who I was without it.
It didn't get better. I avoided undressing in front of my husband. I tried not to kiss him too often or too amorously so I wouldn't lead him on. I dreaded bedtime. Maybe he'd want to have sex.
Research: The average porn star.
While this study isn't academic in the sense that it was done at a university, was paid for by a funding agency, and went through the peer-review process, it is exceptionally good. The researcher (and authour), John Millward, waded through piles of publicly available data to determine the characteristics of the average porn star and what they do. The resulting article is entertaining and provides infographics displaying his findings. From John Millward:
For the first time, a massive data set of 10,000 porn stars has been extracted from the world’s largest database of adult films and performers. I’ve spent the last six months analyzing it to discover the truth about what the average performer looks like, what they do on film, and how their role has evolved over the last forty years.
‘Without any mental deliberation, picture the average female porn star. Just let her spring into your mind’s eye looking however she looks. Can you see her?’
I had bumped into a friend who I’d not seen in a while and this was the first question I asked him. He didn’t realise at the time that I’d been in self-imposed smutty exile for an untold number of weeks, working on the largest study of porn stars ever undertaken, and now I was out and eager to spread the news.
‘Erm, yeah, I suppose,’ he said.
‘What does she look like?’ I asked, struggling to hide my smile.
When he replied by saying ‘a blonde with big boobs’, I must admit I relished the opportunity to lean in, let the grin spread across my tired face, and say ‘That’s what everyone says. And in fact, it’s wrong’.
‘Oh,’ he said, after I explained how I knew what the average porn star actually looks like, as well as what her name probably is, how many films she’s most likely done and the probability of her having a tattoo or body piercing.
‘So you’ve spent all this time watching hundreds of porn movies?’
‘No,’ I said. ‘I’ve spent all this time analysing the demographic profiles and filmographies of ten thousand adult performers. There is a difference.’
‘I see’, he then said. ‘And how, dare I ask, does one go about doing that?’
Go read the rest here.
And the massive infographic depicting his findings (click to make larger):
Virgin births.
From Reuters:
Claims of virgin births in U.S. near 1 percent: study By Sharon Begley
Nearly 1 percent of young women in a U.S. study who have become pregnant claim to have done so as virgins, according to a report in the Christmas edition of Britain's BMJ medical journal.
The authors of "Like a virgin (mother)" - whose prose is devoid of irony - say such scientifically impossible claims show researchers must use care in interpreting self-reported behavior. Fallible memory, beliefs and wishes can cause people to err in what they tell scientists.
Based on interviews with 7,870 women and girls ages 15 to 28, 45 of the 5,340 pregnancies in this group through the years - 0.8 percent - occurred in women who reported that they conceived independent of men. The figure does not include pregnancies that result from in vitro fertilization or other assisted reproductive technology.
Each year, the BMJ Christmas edition publishes untraditional science papers. In addition to the report on virgin pregnancies, the latest BMJ includes papers on whether there is a local baby boom nine months after home sports teams triumph (only a small one, but statistically significant) and whether an apple a day would keep the British doctor away (yes, saving about 8,500 lives in the United Kingdom each year, about as many as would expanding the use of cholesterol-lowering drugs to everyone over 50).
For the study of putative virgin pregnancies, researchers at the University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill analyzed data from the thousands of teenage girls and young women who took part in the long-running National Longitudinal Study of Adolescent Health.
The girls were 12 to 18 years old when they entered the study in the 1994-95 school year and were interviewed periodically about their health and behavior over 14 years, including via computer as a way to encourage them to be candid when answering questions about their sexual history.
The 45 women and girls who became pregnant despite, according to what they told interviewers, being virgins at the time of conception differed in several ways from peers who acknowledged that men had had a role in their procreation.
Of those who said they became pregnant as virgins, 31 percent also said they had signed chastity pledges; 15 percent of nonvirgins who became pregnant said they had signed such pledges, in which a girl vows not to have sex until she marries.
The 45 self-described virgins who reported having become pregnant and the 36 who gave birth were also more likely than nonvirgins to say their parents never or rarely talked to them about sex and birth control. About 28 percent of the "virgin" mothers' parents (who were also interviewed) indicated they didn't have enough knowledge to discuss sex and contraception with their daughters, compared to 5 percent of the parents of girls who became pregnant and said they had had intercourse.
The ostensibly chaste mothers were also less likely to know how to use condoms, according to the report. UNC biostatistician Amy Herring and public health expert Carolyn Halpern led the group.
The researchers found that although the mothers in question were more likely to have boys than girls, and to be pregnant during the weeks leading up to Christmas, neither similarity to the Virgin Mary was statistically significant.
Interview: Dr. Zhana Vrangalova on casual sex.
From Salon:
Casual sex isn’t just for college kids The creators of the Casual Sex Project collected hookup stories from around the world. Here's what they learned By Tracy Clark-Flory
Guess what! Hookups are not just for college students. In other news: Young people didn’t invent sex. You wouldn’t know any of that from the media coverage of casual sex, which invariably focuses on the carnal aerobics of hot young keg-standing coeds. Nor could you tell it from scientific papers on the topic, which, like so much research, rely on collegiate samples. Zhana Vrangalova, herself a sex researcher, is changing that perception with the Casual Sex Project, a website that solicits true hookup stories from people of all ages and from around the world.
These flings are not set in dorm rooms, frat houses or university libraries. Among the responses Vrangalova has collected thus far, there’s a threesome outdoors in the countryside, impromptu sex next to a headless stuffed sheep, a tryst at a swinger’s club in Manhattan and a “happy ending” at a massage parlor. There are also more prosaic flings in bed and, of course, in the back of a car. There is awful sex, glorious multiple orgasming, and one experience that sounds like sexual assault (and yet the woman writes that “it was so hot”). Sex is had sober, drunk, stoned and high on coke. There is BDSM, infidelity and bittersweet ex-sex (“He felt his way around my body, and I let my hands remember all that they once loved to hold”).
Some descriptions are erotic: “Rubbing my neck, holding my hand, slipping his fingers in and out of the sleeves and neckline of my shirt. Dipping a few times into the edges of my bra.” Some are schoolgirl gushy: “He grabbed me and kissed me and my head exploded. BEST. KISS. EVER.” And of course, this being sex, there is plenty of humor, too: “I’m panting and looking at her smiling while she out of nowhere grabs some moisture off her vagina and brings it up and anoints it across my forehead while saying ‘siiimmmba,’” writes one man. (The “Lion King” reference was apropos of nothing, making it all the better.)
Vrangalova, who has conducted plenty of for-reals scientific research on hookup culture, spoke with Salon about what makes a casual sex seeker, why women regret hookups more than men, and who benefits most from hookups.
[…]
What have you learned so far about people’s casual sex experiences?
That there is an incredible diversity of hookup experiences in terms of what counts as casual sex — from one-night stands, to sex with an ex, to paid sex, online sex — the quality of the experience — from that hookup being the best sex they’ve ever had to it being the worst sex they’ve ever had — the transformative power of the hookup — from opening their minds and bodies to enjoying sex more freely to making it painfully clear to them that sex without love is not for them. Some people have only had one single hookup and they remember it 20 years later, others hook up on a regular basis; some cheat on their partners, others have group sex sanctioned by or together with their partners. The variety is really astonishing.
Some straight men respond to Grindr.
For those who aren't familiar with Grindr, from their website:
Grindr is a simple app that uses your mobile device’s location-based services to show you the guys closest to you who are also on Grindr. How much of your info they see is entirely your call.
While it's described as a social-media app, it's primarily used by men looking to hook up for sex with other men. There's a version for opposite sex partners called Tindr, but it's a little more subtle, at least on the hooking-up-for-sex front.
A YouTube regular, Neil McNeil, asked a bunch of his straight friends what they thought of Grindr, and here's the result:
The straight goods on sex ed.
From the Pacific Standard:
What If We Admitted to Children That Sex Is Primarily About Pleasure? By Alice Dreger
A couple of months ago, the sex education notice came home in my nine-year-old son’s backpack. I didn’t realize that, in our district, sex ed starts in the fourth grade. Another sign of the state having more access to my baby than I sometimes wish.
When I handed the note to my mate at the dinner table, our son said with something of a proud smile, “I told Mrs. Reverby we’ve already talked about it at home.”
The mate and I looked at each other and obviously had the same thought. Two weeks before, the class had been learning about electricity. The teacher had gotten stuck on some questions about batteries, so she had turned to our son, who was able to explain to the class exactly how batteries charge, recharge, and discharge. He’s learned a lot about electricity at home.
And quite a lot about sex.
“You know,” my mate said to our son, “this is one of those times when you have to not help the teacher even if you know how something works.”
I busted out laughing at the admonition. “Your dad is right,” I said, composing myself. “It’s entirely possibly you know more about sex than they do, but there’s some stuff some parents might not want their kids to know, so you have to keep a lid on it.”
But really. This was the kid who in preschool answered a teacher’s “Good morning, how are you today?” with “I’m fine, but my mother is menstruating, so her uterine lining is sloughing.” I just shrugged and explained to her that he’d seen blood on the toilet paper and wanted to know if I was OK.
Film: Her.
More info about the movie, which was written and directed by Spike Jonze:
Set in the Los Angeles of the slight future, the story follows Theodore Twombly, a complex, soulful man who makes his living writing touching, personal letters for other people. Heartbroken after the end of a long relationship, he becomes intrigued with a new, advanced operating system, which promises to be an intuitive entity in its own right, individual to each user. Upon initiating it, he is delighted to meet "Samantha," a bright, female voice, who is insightful, sensitive and surprisingly funny. As her needs and desires grow, in tandem with his own, their friendship deepens into an eventual love for each other.
It's been reviewed very favourably. The trailer: