What it's like to become a male escort.

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Rocco Steele male escort

Ever wondered what makes people choose to become sex workers, and what it's like to enter the trade?

Motivations to get into sex work vary widely. Some get into it because they love sex and the attention; for others, it's a matter of survival as their choices are extremely limited. For most, the primary motivation is money.

The following is from a blog run by a male escort in New York. Here's the opening from his account of entering the trade:

Becoming an escort…
I spent my 20’s in a marriage in which I was happy and fulfilled in every way except sexually.  I had next to no sex for 13 years.  After an amicable but very sad and painful divorce and a lot of soul searching, I made up my mind that I would explore any kind of sex I had the slightest fancy of curiosity about.  Anything.  I would never judge myself, shame myself, or allow myself to suffer from regret for this decision.  I was going to explore the profound kaleidoscopic spectrum of human sexuality…  Every kind of kink, every dirty secret, every taboo, every delicious, piggy, nasty iteration I could possibly imagine of the most primal and essential male act of fucking.  Escorting was right at the top of my sexual bucket list.  It’s classic ego-driven male sexual fantasy… If you’re an escort, that means your cock is so amazing, your ass is so tight and hot, your stamina so crazy, your ability to get hard so reliable, your moves are so spectacular that people will PAY to have sex with you. It’s the ultimate ego trip.  Ever since I was an underage clubber, I’ve idolized strippers, gogo boys, porn stars, and any other kind of adult entertainer.  I’ve always been hypnotized by them… The confidence, the total commitment to being a sex object, the jacked bodies, big cocks, the flirting… They were just so fucking HOT.  They had such power, they made all the men in the room hard.  Everyone wanted them!  I wanted them.  And being an attention whore since I was a kid, I wanted to BE one of them.  The idea of being one of them gave me both a huge boner AND a delicious ego trip, and that’s a powerful combination.

Go read the rest here (it's the post at the bottom of the page): link.

Video: Jam (as a metaphor for sex).

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There is a mind-boggling amount of stuff packed into this 6-minute clip. Everything from sexual learning to relationships, identity, pleasure, and consent. The metaphor of a musical jam provides an interesting perspective and while not perfect for all people, it does impart some important wisdom.

From Karen B. K. Chan:

Video commissioned by the SexEd Project http://sexedproject.org for the exhibition "SexEd: Chapter 1" at Cuchifritos gallery Feb. 9-Mar. 10, 2013. A stop-motion animation by Toronto sex educator Karen B. K. Chan, Jam is a proposal for rethinking how we have sex. Jam proposes an alternate framework for sexual connection that comes directly from musical improvisation.


Penis extender sheaths for extra length and girth.

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There really isn't anything available that can physiologically increase penis size or girth. However, there are other options. Oxballs is a sex toy company whose target clientele are (kinky) gay men. Among the products they sell (check out the rest here - NSFW) are penis extender sheaths. This is what they look like:

They're worn over top of the penis, adding length and girth (see the rest of the NSFW photos here).

Oxballs isn't the only game in town - other companies are making similar products. If this sort of product could be marketed to straight men in a way that doesn't bruise their egos, I could see something like this becoming very popular for those men looking to gain a few centimeters (or more). In fact, some have already started to dabble, according to sex toy stores.

Dan Savage addressed penis sheaths in a Savage Love last year: link.

Pornhub's 2015 review: Porn, porn, and more porn.

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For those unfamiliar with Pornhub, it is a pornography sharing website. It's the biggest porn site on the web.

Pornhub has its own data analytics team, and they regularly publish findings from the piles of data that they collect. You can check out their blog, Pornhub Insights, here: link . I've posted from the blog before (I love stuff like this).

pornhub insights 2015

Every year, Pornhub Insights publishes its annual review. It's long, and chock full of super interesting data. Here are some of the key, or most interesting, findings of 2015:

  • 4,392,486,580 hours of porn were watched
  • there were 21.2 billion visits
  • the highest page views per capita belonged to the USA at 191 (Canada was 3rd with 165)
  • average length of visit was 9 minutes and 16 seconds
  • most searched term worldwide was lesbian; teen and stepmom were almost tied for second
  • teen and milf were searched almost equally frequently worldwide (although teen still more)
  • largest gain in proportion of searches was giantess (giant women), with a 1091% gain
  • top searched porn stars worldwide were: Kim Kardashian, Mia Khalifa, and Lisa Ann - these three were far more popular than the all others
  • 24% of viewers were women
  • the average age of viewers was 35.3, but 60% were millennials (a skewed distribution)

Below is the first of many interesting infographics. Go check out the whole review here: link.

pornhubinsights5

Purity balls.

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Second post this week about purity balls. I can't help but be fascinated (I've posted about purity balls previously: link and link).

In many cultures, religious denominations, and families, virginity until marriage is considered sacred. Virginity is typically associated with purity, innocence, virtuosity, and thought of as a gift to a future marital partner. Loss of virginity prior to marriage is equated with being a used, cheapened, damaged, or otherwise unappealing (keep in mind this isn't the case for all people are waiting for marriage to have penetrative sex).

Women are often held to this standard much more so than men (a great example of the double standard). In some cultures, a non-virgin woman is unable to get married, and often times in those cultures, there are no options for women other than being a wife.

Purity balls are a logical extension of the abstinence-only approach in Western culture (particularly North American). If you're unfamiliar with purity balls, the following clip provides a pretty superficial glimpse. Keep in mind that it's from a mainstream American network, so it's a bit sensationalized.

Inside the Christian-faith ritual, where fathers vow to protect their daughters' purity.

Herbal womb detox pearls: Not a very good idea.

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wombdetox.jpg

Another product that will leave you scratching your head.

There is no science to back this product up. It has a hint of the old vaginas are yucky and need cleaning vibe that has caused so much harm in the past.

Vaginas are largely self-cleaning, and messing with the delicate flora that live symbiotically within can cause infections and other problems.

My favourite quote in the article linked below, from Dr. Jen Gunter, a gynaecologist:

"Your uterus isn’t tired or depressed or dirty and your vagina has not misplaced its chakra. 
They want no real help from you unless there is something wrong and they will tell you there is something wrong by bleeding profusely or itching or cramping badly or producing an odour."

From the Independent UK:

Women putting herb balls in vagina to 'detox their wombs' have been warned of dangers
US firm claims its small 'holistic' herb packages 'aid to correct' endometriosis
Women are being warned about the dangers of a “womb detox” product after health experts said it could cause irritation and even toxic shock syndrome.
US firm called Embrace Pangaea is selling “Herbal Womb Detox Pearls” online, claiming the products "aids to correct" conditions such as endometriosis, ovarian cysts and thrush.
The pearls - small balls of perfumed herbs - are sold in one or two-month packages, with packages on sale for between $85 (£59) and $480 (£335).
Another package - claims to promote “vaginal tightening”, which it says works by “tightening the womb” so the “vaginal canal will shrink”.
The company says the herb pearls are designed to "cleanse the womb and return it to a balance state" by flushing out "toxins".
In a blogpost, the company said the pearls could be issued in the same way natural solutions like oranges and lemons can be used to counteract a cold.
But a sexual health expert insisted that not only were the “pearls” ineffective, but they could be dangerous.

Read the whole piece here: link.

You can check out the product homepage here: link.

And the blog post by Dr. Gunter here: link.

 

Purity ball portraits.

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Repost from Slate.

I really like this piece, as the way Magnusson describes his experiences shooting his subjects moves away from the judgement that typically accompanies pieces on purity balls. And the photos are pretty striking.

Striking Portraits of Fathers and the Daughters Whose Virginity They’ve Pledged to Protect By David Rosenberg

Photographer David Magnusson’s portraits of fathers with their daughters could almost pass for formal shots taken at a father-daughter dance.

Shot with a large format camera, the portraits, taken outdoors with a soft, blue-sky background are part of Magnusson’s book Purity, a series of young girls who have made a pledge to keep their virginity until marriage and their fathers who pledge to help protect them during their journeys.

Magnusson admits he had a strong reaction when he first learned of the purity balls. He thought mostly of gun-wielding fathers trying to protect their daughters. He began to explore the idea of the balls further, reading everything he could find, and reaching out to various balls to see about photographing the fathers and daughters.

He made four trips to the United States to meet with and photograph the fathers and daughters and said the more he learned and met with the participants the more surprised he was about his initial prejudices.

“I had the idea to photograph the portraits to illustrate how our interpretation of the world—and photography as well—has to do a lot with our own values,” he said. “Many of the instantaneous, strong emotional reactions occur when we experience a clash with our own values and what we don’t’ understand.”

Magnusson said it took around six months of reaching out to contacts before he was finally invited to Louisiana to meet with participants. He took seven portraits during that first trip and attended two balls.

“I showed portraits on stage with a tuxedo rented from Al’s formal wear talking about my work,” he said. “I was clear from the start of my intention of trying to visualize the father-daughter relationship.”

He began interviewing the people he photographed and said that also helped shape his ideas of the decisions the young girls had made along with their fathers.

“When you start listening to what separate individuals who are part of a group have to say, it suddenly becomes about people and not just about a group mentality. There are huge diversities within the group and reasons for why they choose these ceremonies.”

He learned that many of the young women were independent thinkers and their fathers were simply trying to protect their loved ones the best way they knew how. Magnusson sent portraits to everyone who participated in the project and said they were all very happy with the results.

“I find it so interesting exactly the same photograph can provoke such a different reaction from a viewer with a different background,” Magnusson said.

Purity, published by Bokförlaget Max Ström is Magnusson’s first book and also his first major solo exhibition. He said had he known the project would take up four years of his life, he might have been terrified to begin it. He did, however, know when to stop working on the project. “You realize if you continue you will change your project but not necessarily improve it,” he said. “You can change it the rest of your life but you hit a point when it’s done and ready to be displayed and if you continue working on it you will turn it into something different.”

See the rest of the photos here.

The Bodyimage Project.

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Passed along by Afrooz (thanks!), via Dodson and Ross.

Projects like this are not new, and that's a good thing. Over the last several years, a few have sprung up. Their express purpose is to provide some balance to the highly produced and processed (i.e., digitally manipulated) photos of models and celebrities that you see in the media. These projects are fundamentally about diversity, and how diversity is good.

The Bodyimage Project by Marshall Bradford is still in its development phase. Given its early success, he's committed to something much larger, which will be coming down the pipeline in the near future. For the time being, however, he's posted some photos through his Facebook account.

From the description:

Image is everything. If you don't look like the media tells you to you will never make it in the world. Forget about finding love and happiness. That's what the pretty people get.
Or that's what we are told. I don't really feel that way. As a photographer in Las Vegas I have shot my share of high polish perfect modeling photos and I'm not saying I won't shoot stuff like that in the future. I am also an artist and to that end I have the need to try new things with my art.
My thought with this project I wanted to show what we really look like. I wanted to photograph people simply being themselves and being proud of that. People should love how they look and love themselves first. No matter the way you look you should remember that your happiness comes from within. That's the goal of this work. To allow the subjects own beauty to show. I have learned a lot starting this project and I'm excited to see where it leads me to.

Go check out the project and photos here: link (you need to be on Facebook; also, Facebook doesn't allow photos of genitals and breasts, thus the silly edits)

OMGYes: New project and program to turbo boost female sexual pleasure.

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This project and web-based service appears to be really promising.

It's a collaboration between some entrepreneurs and researchers at Indiana University (home of the Kinsey Institute).

OMGYes looks to be a slick, engaging, and richly informative educational tool. Its purpose is to increase women's sexual pleasure through a series of online videos and interactive experiences. Subscribers (and their partners) learn diverse skills and techniques, which are based on research and the experiences of the OMGYes women.

The most interesting part of the program looks to be the interactive video and touchpad manual stimulation component. Subscribers learn how to stimulate the various OMGYes women's genitals using the trackpad; the OMGYes software (and OMGYes women) provides real-time feedback.

Here's the intro video:

We finally have the openness and research to take a clear-headed look at the many nuances of women's sexual pleasure. It's about time! www.omgyes.com

Dr. Stephen Snyder, a sex therapist in New York, wrote a piece published by Huffington Post, about his experiences test-driving the interactive learning tools.

"Yeah, that's it! Mmmm . . . that's GOOD!"
My computer is talking to me, whispering words of encouragement as I trace big circles with my finger on my trackpad. My cursor grazes over the vulva of the woman lying before me onscreen. 
Her name is Amber. Amber likes a circular stroke on the upper right corner of her vulva next to her clitoris. 
I've just finished watching a video where she demonstrates the technique on herself. And now the program has loaded an "interactive" module, for me to try it on her. 
Tentatively, not knowing quite what to expect, I click "Begin." 
Amber's vulva, freshly shaved and beautifully lit, appears on the screen. A delicate white arrow traces a circle in the exact spot where I'm supposed to start. Hesitating at first, I press the trackpad, and a cursor appears on Amber's vulva. As we approach Amber's clitoris the image morphs a bit, and her clitoral hood stretches towards my cursor. 
We are suddenly connected -- her vulva and my finger.

Check it out the full article here: link.

It's also worth visiting the OMGYes website, even if you aren't interested in becoming a subscriber. There are a bunch of videos (NSFW) and demonstrations of the interactive tool, as well as some basic resources. Link.

Man with bionic penis to lose virginity with dominatrix who once ran for parliament.

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File this one away in news of the extremely uncommon.

From i100 at the Independent (in its entirety - link):

A man whose penis was ripped off in a road accident, and who has subsequently received surgery to fit an 8-inch bionic penis, is to lose his virginity to an “award winning” dominatrix who unsuccessfully ran for parliament.
Mohammed Abad, from Edinburgh, was run over when he was six years old in Huddersfield, in 1978. During the accident his penis was sliced off as he was dragged 600ft by a car.
Mr Abad had surgery to fit a fully functional 8 inch bionic penis in 2012. The organ has two tubes which inflate when he presses a button on his testicle.
Abad said:
“I have waited long enough for this — it’ll be a great start to the new year.
My penis is working perfectly now so I just want to do it. I’m really excited. I can’t wait for it to finally happen.”
Mr Abad also says he dreams of one day becoming a father.
He will meet up with sexual freedom campaigner Charlotte Rose in London this week for a dinner date.
Rose, a 35-year-old who won the British Erotic Award for ‘Sex Worker of the Year’ in 2013, ran for MP in the Clacton by-election in October 2014 and the Rochester and Strood by-election the following month as an independent on a platform of sexual freedom.
Rose, a mother of two, said she will waive her usual £200-an-hour fee:
“I am so honoured that he chose me to take his virginity.
We plan to have a dinner date so we can get to know each other and then two hours of private time. I’m not charging him.
I’m happy to help him build up confidence.
Hopefully he can then find a lovely lady to settle down with.”

Understanding consent: The tea metaphor.

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Passed along by Joey last term (thanks!).

Over the last few years, there has been increased focus on the process of communicating consent. I've posted about it previously: link.

A while back, someone authoured and shared a metaphor for consent using tea. I think I remember seeing it on Reddit. Recently, an animated video clip was created from the original text. It's not a perfect metaphor, but it's pretty damn good nonetheless.

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